#OlehProblems: Misrad al-ha-panim Strikes Again!

Went to misrad hapnim to renew my israeli passport and accidentally made Aliyah. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Sports Fans

Trying to keep up with your favorite teams back in States and staying up at ungodly hours! #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Your'e a Wizard Harry!

this is not actually a rant but still I want to praise Israeli bus drivers for the prowess with which they can hand you the change and drive at the same time, i feel like i'm in Harry Potter's knight bus #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Car Insurance

took an entire day to get the stupid 2014 sticker for my car but i finished, suck it bureaucracy! #olehproblems 

#OlehProblems: Babushka Basa!

Got shoved to the side by a russian babushka today. #olehproblems #haifaproblems

#OlehProblems: Death Stare

Why do so many Israelis stare at you right in the face, giving what feels like death stares. Havent they ever been told its impolite to stare? Doesnt bother me, its just weird. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: GoFundMe

I have been seriously thinking about creating a gofundme.com account to be able to support myself living in Israel because it is so expensive living here. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Health Care

I am a ezrach oleh and a year after I made Aliyah they changed the benefits so they get free health care for the first year. Instead I had to pay every month, just because my father is Israeli and decided to move to America. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Arsim

I'm religious so I go to the beach fully clothed. If that doesn't stop the arsim from hitting on me,  what will? #desperate arsim #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Roadside Potty

parents let their children pee naked on the side of the highway. #nuff said #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Passport Renewal

Hello everyone,

The renewal of the passports of my family (7 people) represent a lot of money, so I decided this year to do it by internet so as to get a discount. I went through the process and paid on line with my isracard on feb 2. You are then supposed to come with the receipt and pictures. For various reasons, some of my children could not come before may. When I gave the receipt and the pictures, I was told -- in a most unpleasant way (""what do you expect ? To sleep and  receive a check for breakfast ?"" and then the sganit threw my documents) -- that

1) since 3 months had elapsed, I had to pay the full price for each passport.

2) even then, because of some technical problem with the online payment, they could not take into account what was already paid.
(I still wait for being reimbursed.)

To 1), I responded - as calmly as I could - that I did not remember seeing this on the site of the misrad hapnim.
( http://www.gov.il/FirstGov/TopNav/Situations/SPopulationsGuides/SYoungCitizen/SYPassport/ )

[Now maybe this has been updated since, or maybe there may have been some very fine print somewhere, although I remember very well spending much, much time to figure out and going through all the details.]

To 2) I responded that I was not responsible for the way the server handles payments: I had given all the correct information about my isracard and my identity, there was no mistake on my side.

Both the sganit and the menahelet could not care less. I really felt like a greenhorn.

A very unpleasant experience indeed. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Chinese Food

Ordering chinese food in Israel is still as hard as ordering chinese food in America. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Girls

Why is it that when Israelis call you, that they don't say their name, even ones you have only spoken to once before?
Example:
You make contact with a girl on a dating site.  You call her once, speak for just a few minutes.
Then she calls you for another chat, and the call goes something like this (say her name is Anat and your name is Michael):
Anat:  ""Hi.... Michael?""
Michael: ""Yes...?""
Pause...
Michael: ""Yes.... who am I speaking to please?""
Anat: [unimpressed tone]
""Er... it's Anat....what, are you in contact with other girls too?!
This is utterly ridiculous behaviour....
Do people really expect you to save every person down as a contact on your phone, even if you've only just met them and spoken once on the phone???
It's not just with girls and dating, it's everyone!!! #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: CellCom

a 100 NIS cellcom bill is now 1 yr later 1600 wage garnishing lawsuit against me; I moved and never got those bills! #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Shady Landlords

Price of rental apartment raised 10% in middle of negotiations. Aliyah benefit for foreign income changed in middle of aliyah. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Apple Products in Israel

How could an idigital store be here instead the Apple store? Israelis are obsessed with i-products! #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Hebrew Names

I never thought it would be a problem when I moved here. But no one ever understands me when I tell them my name. For a while I thought my 'rrresh' was not guttural enough, but finally someone explained to me that  my name is a variant that no Israelis use. I am always called Arik or Aryeh, never Ari. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Lotsa Cats

Every night there is an orgy of cats outside my bedroom window. I ask myself, why are there so many cats yelling and going ape shit outside my window every fucking night. Well after months, I went out for a cigarette and discovered that and old women throws a load of cat food right outside my window so every fucking cat in Tel Aviv can come and eat. #SKETCH #olehproblems #votejeff

#OlehProblems: The All Knowing Israeli

I'm an immigrant from America, and I can't stand how Israelis have to pretend that they know things about America when they don't know shit...
""Ah, yes, so, ehmmmm, you are from New York?""
""No, not all Americans are from New York. I'm from Ohio""
""Ah, is that in Miami? My cousin lives in Miami.""
""Yeah, no, I said Ohio""
""Yesh cusiot sham?"
#olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Cooking Fail

First week in Israel, bought a jar of green zhug thinking it was pesto... bad surprise! #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Party On!

why dont they sell red cups for my parties? #partyproblems #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Shopping Carts

That time you realize the shopping carts in Israel give you more of an ab workout than your gym class...that you pay money for. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Hot Dog Buns

I hate the fact that real hot dog rolls and hamburger buns don't exist in Israel. :(
#olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Banking Success

After living here for 3 years, I finally figured out what "mizgeret osh" means in my bank, I can go into the negative without paying fees! Take that America, my credit card never gets declined here! #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Mommy!

Whenever I am having a bad day dealing with #olehproblems my Mommy is always there to hear me complain on Skype. #olehsolution

#OlehProblems: Why are you here?

my latest #olehproblem is #sabras asking me why i want to live here...its like the biggest turnoff ever when i'm dating or meeting someone for the first time!  i wasnt able to find a job in America, i get to go to the beach anytime i want here before work, i work full time, yet get 3 days off a week, i can drink publicly and find awesome nightlife every night, and i get to be with my own people the Jewish people, sorry my dream isn't working at a mall kiosk in America "the so-called" land of opportunity where my parents have been unemployed on and off the majority of the last 5 years and i would be right there with them if i would have stayed after college... #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Airport

I was in line at the airport waiting for Check-in, and as I'm moving up the line the guy in front of me kept bumping his luggage cart into the girls feet infront of him. After repeatedly doing so the girl realized it was intentional and turned around to confront him. When she told him to stop, he said if she would just walk faster he wouldn't have to keep bumping into her... the #olehproblem is, if my hebrew had been better I'd tell him off.

#OlehProblems: Arsim

my greatest fear is that if i choose to raise my kids in israel they will turn out to be arsim...#olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Bituach Leumi

I just received my first paycheck from my job and I am not eligible for Bituach Leumi, I asked my job not to pay it and they still took it out claiming it is the law.  Now I have to go to Bituach Leumi's office for the refund and I'm pretty sure they're just going to send me back to my job in which another co-worker told me the job refunded them.  #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Studying in English

My hebrew isn't good enough to study in hebrew, so I went with english. Number one problem: when the lesson slides have more typos than my 6 year old cousin's homework. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Being a Mem Kaf

So, i was a commander in the army and my hebrew is pretty good. But once in a while i'd be yelling at my soldiers and all of a sudden an english word pops out. As soon as that happens your rant is over and you have to laugh with them. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: 3D Glasses

so.. this is a pretty #firstworldproblem, but in any case.. why are the 3D glasses you get at movies in this country always FILTHY!? #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Names

I have a name that is very feminine in english but unisex in hebrew . the bank, kupat holim, and misrad hapnim all think I am a man, and are surprised when they find out that I'm not. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Gvina Levana?

gvina levana, are you yogurt, are you cream cheese, or are you sour cream. make up your mind gvina levana. #cheeseproblems #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Speaking Hebrew

sometimes it's hard to understand certain hebrew phrases that can't be translated to english...that being said, if already then already. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Cheese

Arbitrarily picking cheeses based on percentage signs! I don't know what % sour cream or Cheddar cheese should be! #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Names

Because I have 2 very Israeli parents, I have a very Israeli first, second (NOT middle), and last name and it hasn't ever been easy growing up in America. Doctors offices, public schools, etc. (substitute teachers were the worst).
Excited to be in Israel where my names are at least pronounceable, I STILL had a hard and confusing time with all three of my names. They would get mispronounced a lot. Because words in Hebrew have 12 different ways to say it.
The army was also a mess when my commanders would call my one name and my friends knew me by the other. Talk about identity crisis. #identitycrisis #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Turn Signals

ever notice how when you are driving on the highway people just leave their turn signals on... like indefinitely.. do they think the clicking noise is like an advanced feature in their car? #israelidrivers #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: So Hot!

a week ago it rained, now its 97 degrees. Sometimes I forget i'm in the middle-east...#olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Names

I was born in the U.S. with an arabic sounding last name so my parents decided to change our family's last name to a more "modern" but still Jewish hebrew last name that would be easier to pronounce in English. After that my parents added another hebrew middle name. (Which was never a problem since no one ever sees your middle name in America). Now that I made aliyah everytime i am asked to show my ID, go to the bank, Kupat Holim, Post office, get anonymous phone calls from people trying to sell me stuff, etc. i get called by my last name, first name, middle name, or any combination of the 3 since in hebrew all of them are popular first names...#olehproblems

#OlehProblems: HOT

My HOT internet isn't working because Bezeq didn't give them money for my internet. How is that my fault? #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: My Name

I have a very non-israeli name. Because of the way it's written in hebrew, it always gets pronounced wrong. Now every time i go anywhere to order food and they ask my name i have to give a generic name like Ben. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Huge Beards

well, this isn't so much an #olehproblem, but more of a #manproblem. I have an awesome and huge beard. It's hot. My face itches. I die. #olehmanproblems

#OlehProblems: Clubbing

I'm a 25 year old dude with a beard who doesn't dress nicely. I went to a club with a group of 4 beautiful dressed up 18-21 year old girls. The only person the selector would let in the door was me...wtf? #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Weddings!

because I love being lied to, being confused, pretending I speak Hebrew, being ripped off and getting SCREWED and nothing ever being done on time I decided regular life wasn't enough.....and I planned a wedding here #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Shoes

Why does the same pair if running shoes I bought in the states for $90, cost 900nis in Israel? #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Cats!

why are there cats everywhere? #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Making Aliyah

I moved to Israel without making aliya, to serve in the IDF. Served for 2 years as a combat soldier, moved back to America, and am now being put through the hardest time to make aliya. #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Getting a Gun

i came to Israel to study then i  volunteered to the I.D.F as a combat soilder and went back to England for a 1.5 year...i made aliya in august 2012 and i wanted to rejoin the army..they didnt want me..so i thought ill do security in a well paid job and ill be able to study abit..and guess what they blaintly refused time after time to give me a gun licence to work,its not like i didnt do the army,i have been in israel for around 6years and did army ect...really bloody annoying#gunproblems #olehproblems

#OlehProblems: Menchies

I went to menchies at the mall in herzliya and the yogurt and toppings all tasted like stale plastic.. it was pretty bad. When i went back to Canada for pesach I went to menchies and it was uh-mazing. Why does Israel ruin beautiful things. #olehproblems